Being an adult is such a hassle.
Bills, money, house repairs, others' expectations, work, relationship issues, personal goals un-fullfilled...Never-ending always-somethings. Here's a verse from my current favorite song. It is called "Telling Stories" by Greg Brown:
Yesterday I was a boy running through the woods
My dog was my buddy, the wind was green and yellow
My dad called me to gather cedar branches
And soon we were sitting around the fire telling stories
Ah, the simple times. Tadpoles have it made. Once you lose that tail, all bets are off.
Blah, blah, bitch, bitch....
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Glad to be here
20 years ago (Oct.12th) I earned a two-week vacation at this lovely hospital in the beautiful rural college town of Bowling Green, Ohio. Of all the auto accidents I've been in, this was by far the worst. My spleen met his match, as did my appendix, portions of my intestines and one of my ribs towards my back. In addition to my own injuries, my sister (2 years younger) sustained a compound fracture to her left femur that required the insertion of an 18" pin from her hip down through the femur bone. This was to remain for one year. She also had several lacerations above her eye.
My first 7 days after surgery were filled with the fog of morphine, several catheters(I pray that no one I know ever has to get one of these inserted while awake, I.Vs in both wrists, a couple of blood transfusions and a spectacular tube that travelled from my stomach, up my gullet, out of my nose and into a blender looking pump whose purpose in life was to suck the acid and bile from my stomach at regular intervals. This became incredibly uncomfortable after 6-7 days when my nose and throat became raw from the contact. Why would I need this? Due to my intestinal injuries, I could not eat for a whole week (ice chips only)...even so, the stomach continues to produce its toxic mix of lava, which by the way, looks like split-pea soup. If this is not removed, you will puke every hour or so. Not particularly pleasant when you've just been gutted like a deer. I have a 12 inch scar from my sternum to below my belly-button to prove it...not to mention a bunch of scar tissue that bothers me occaisionally...I also need to get a vaccine every five years to protect me from a certain pneumonia that would usually be defeated by the spleen.
It was a very scary experience for me, my sister and of course my folks, who had to helplessly sit and watch their two kids go through hell.
I had never been back there. I just sort of moved on with my life. But as the 20th anniversary approached, I started thinking that I might like to visit the place. My intention was to head over there on the actual day but a nasty case of bronchitis prevented me from going. So I rescheduled and went there last Tuesday:a dreary, grim, windy and rainy fall day.
When I first got to town, I was really second-guessing myself. It seemed like a morose, maudlin, unecessary waste of time, money and gas. Wasn't it enough to just think back on the moment and move on? But when I drove past the hospital, it really seemed like yesterday when I was getting(slowly) into my Uncle Gary's Lincoln Towne car(it was easier than climbing into my Dad's pick-up truck and well, my mother's car was mangled to holy hell, sitting in a junkyard contemplating its next life as a...toaster?...set of steak knives?...sink?). Incidentally, I was listening to NPRs Terry Gross interviewing the late Freddie Fender..."I'll be there, before the next...teardrop falls". I'm pretty sure that now I will always think of Wood County Hospital every time I hear that song. Go Pavlov!
The next stop was the actual spot of the accident. This occurred at the intersection of Rt.6 and Bowling Green Rd. I had to cross traffic from Bowling Green Rd. left onto Rt. 6. Traffic on this road travels from about 55 mph to 75mph. Here's a pic:
I seem to remember looking left, looking right and then going...forgot to look left again. This was probably due to the fact that I was either:
a.)eating fast food
b.)telling a story
c.)fixing my hair in the mirror
d.)cueing up a kick-ass guitar solo by Matthias Jabs of the Scorpions on my tape player
e.)all of the above
We were very lucky that we didn't get hit by a semi-that would have done us all in...instead, the card we drew was a little Chevy Chevette going around 60mph. I was ticketed for failure to yield by a cop in the emergency room, while lying in a fetal position in excrutiating pain, puking blood, and getting all of my clothes cut away from my body in front of about a dozen people. As I had only just started college, I did know my social security number by heart when the cop asked me for it...
When I got to the spot, I pulled over so I could get a good look. I got out of the car and walked around a bit and took a few pics. Some of the area had been clear-cut and was now being farmed but other than that, it was exactly the way I remembered. At this point, I was really glad to have made the trip. It was a very odd sensation. A little bit of fear, nostalgia, and gratitude all mixed together. This was a place where I came really close to dying. I have often thought about that day and how in that moment of violence, I neither felt nor remembered anything. It always seemed like a comforting thought that in that brief instance of death (or near death) that there is no pain or suffering. As I got back in my car, I started thinking about all of the things I have done and seen since, the people I've met, the music I've made, the things I've learned, the hair I've lost; I couldn't help feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Is this really possible?
There seems to be a lesson here.
The Amish folk are reaching out to the family of the guy who killed those girls. This is something rarely, if ever seen in modern community culture. While many of us claim to be Christians, most of us balance our grief with anger, blame and an overwhelming need to retaliate. Often, these events are followed by lawsuits against the surviving family members. A flawed sense of justice to be sure.
I cannot imagine the kind of grief those parents are dealing with, not to mention the burden of guilt, shame and sorrow that the killers' family must shoulder. The fact that these people immediately reached out to this family - before their dead were buried - is really heartening. It almost gives me faith in people. I'm not sure if I could do the same.
Check out the story.
The Amish folk are reaching out to the family of the guy who killed those girls. This is something rarely, if ever seen in modern community culture. While many of us claim to be Christians, most of us balance our grief with anger, blame and an overwhelming need to retaliate. Often, these events are followed by lawsuits against the surviving family members. A flawed sense of justice to be sure.
I cannot imagine the kind of grief those parents are dealing with, not to mention the burden of guilt, shame and sorrow that the killers' family must shoulder. The fact that these people immediately reached out to this family - before their dead were buried - is really heartening. It almost gives me faith in people. I'm not sure if I could do the same.
Check out the story.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Diminishing skills?
Just spent a really nice weekend in Dolly Sods Wilderness (West Virginia) backpacking/hiking/camping with the wife and hound. As far as Eastern landscape goes, this is a very special place topographically speaking. There are vast expanses of beautiful alpine-like meadows, mixed with precarious cliffs, beautiful streams, and large dense stands of hardwood and pine forests-reminiscent of areas much farther north. I have done a lot of outdoors exploring out west, and in some places the only thing missing is 14,000 craggy peaks looming in the background. But the openness...is very Western indeed. I'm a sucker for wide, spacious views. It reinforces my insignificance in the universe which is somewhat calming to me.
Anyway, a few thoughts.
I'm getting sloppy. I have always prided myself in my organization and attention to details. I'm a really good trip planner. Making lists, checking them twice, always thinking 'round corners. In other words, a control freak. While this trait has served me well at times, I sometimes think that it has made me into an uptight Piglet - type(See Pooh-Piglet Psychometric Profiler test).
Here's the thing though. The more I travel, the less I plan. I've sort of gotten over-confident in my ability to throw a trip together in a day. Plus, I'm a pretty skilled improvisor (my wife calls me "camping genius" for my ability to scheme my way through a tricky situation). When travelling to cities, this really isn't a big deal. If you forget something, you can always go buy it at some store. This can be expensive but not usually life threatening...unless you forget your $$$.
Because I think shame and embarassment are sometimes useful educational tools, I have compiled a list of items and tasks that I either forgot or just chose to ignore for reasons I have not yet identified.
1.)Matches/lighter.
This is fairly essential when camping in any season, let alone autumn, when temperatures go down to the low 40s or upper 30s. I always have a container of waterproof matches in my pack but these are hard to use and should really be saved for emergency situations. When I was going through my pre-trip checklist, I remember making a mental note to grab some on the way. Suffice to say, this "mental note" evaporated as quickly as it surfaced. I was about 100 feet onto the trail when I realized that I never tied up this loose end. The idea of using all of my waterproof matches to light the stove, start a much wanted campfire and still have some left over seemed like a very sketchy proposition, especially considering that I would need to strike them against some "found" surface. If you've ever tried this, you know that half of them break, fall apart, or just don't light. I like to gamble but not when it comes to warm food and campfires.
So what did I do? I walked the 100 feet back to the car to search for that phantom book of matches from under the car seat or in the glove box, that I knew weren't there. After finally giving up I was reduced to the most humiliating scenario of all...I had to ask someone for help. There was a group of folks getting ready to walk over to one of the very accessible lookout points just off the access road. One of them kindly gave me a lighter and assured me that she didn't need it. Humiliated and relieved at the same time, I sheepishly walked back to my pack, who were faithfully (foolishly!) waiting for me on the trail.
Strike one.
2.) Camera battery
This was not life threatening, but infuriating. I was really looking forward to taking some photos on this trip. Selfish, indulgent photos of all of the different flora blooming and dying at the same time. A multitude of textures:grasses, ferns, azaleas, old flowers, shrubs, trees - orange,red, green, brown, yellow and everything in between. Much wanted pictures of my dog getting to do the things that nature enabled her to do. Documents of our cozy, protected little camp nestled under a canopy of pines a short distance from a quiet, clear stream. The panoramic views, the undecisive weather, the bear scat filled with recently devoured blueberries, the pine trees windswept on one side only...
The problem with digital cameras is the damn battery. If it runs out of charge? No camera. No pictures. No documents. I meant to charge the battery the night before, which we spent in a Days Inn, Elkins W.V. Again, this minor detail slipped my slippery mind. I realized this gaffe when I pulled out the camera to take a picture of my wife (yes we carried the damn useless thing along for nothing)and the camera blandly instructed me to "change the battery". The first thing I thought was "yea, I'll change you alright...along side this here oak tree"...but I didn't. Just calmly put the thing back into (my wifes) pack.
Strike 2.
3.)Watch
Well, at this point I was really beating myself up. I don't usually wear a wristwatch(itchy and pulls my arm hairs), but I do have one that I use for working out/hiking etc...I also have a great fob type watch that attaches to any sort of loop (like a beltloop). Both of these were resting cozily at home on top of my dresser probably thinking what cosmic glitch in the assembly line landed them in the home of such an ignoramus.
I did bring my cell phone. Not because I wanted to chat with friends or check voicemail, but as an emergency backup. Incidentally, this has always been a conflict for me...I feel part of the excitement of staying outdoors is the risk factor. Cell phones sort of undermine that philosophy.
One small problem. No service. No service means no clock, which means a worthless conglomerate of cheap foreign parts that would travel at least 50-75 yards if I really wound up...
Actually, when we were on top of the highest ridge, I did get clear service. I refrained from checking voicemails but did sneak a look at the time. My internal clock was suprising accurate.
Foul ball. Still alive.
Boneheadedness aside, this trip was really great. The weather was drizzly and cold at night and early morning but seemed to always clear up when we were hiking. And none of my sillyness hurt us in any way. In fact, I may start camping without a watch from now on. After all, the only thing that's really important is having a general idea of the time. I don't have appointments to keep and I can always use the sun and my compass...hell, the Indians didn't have watches and they did just fine. And as much as I love taking pictures, sometimes it's a hassle messing around with the damn thing when you're in the midst of taking an ass-kicking from a mountain. Truth be told, with the exception of a few good takes, no picture can ever take the place of a clear memory, complete with sounds, smells and 3-dimensional space.
Then again, this could just be me trying to justify my exquisite failures.
***UPDATE***
I just charged the battery and I see that I did get one picture after all...the camera died promptly after.
Anyway, a few thoughts.
I'm getting sloppy. I have always prided myself in my organization and attention to details. I'm a really good trip planner. Making lists, checking them twice, always thinking 'round corners. In other words, a control freak. While this trait has served me well at times, I sometimes think that it has made me into an uptight Piglet - type(See Pooh-Piglet Psychometric Profiler test).
Here's the thing though. The more I travel, the less I plan. I've sort of gotten over-confident in my ability to throw a trip together in a day. Plus, I'm a pretty skilled improvisor (my wife calls me "camping genius" for my ability to scheme my way through a tricky situation). When travelling to cities, this really isn't a big deal. If you forget something, you can always go buy it at some store. This can be expensive but not usually life threatening...unless you forget your $$$.
Because I think shame and embarassment are sometimes useful educational tools, I have compiled a list of items and tasks that I either forgot or just chose to ignore for reasons I have not yet identified.
1.)Matches/lighter.
This is fairly essential when camping in any season, let alone autumn, when temperatures go down to the low 40s or upper 30s. I always have a container of waterproof matches in my pack but these are hard to use and should really be saved for emergency situations. When I was going through my pre-trip checklist, I remember making a mental note to grab some on the way. Suffice to say, this "mental note" evaporated as quickly as it surfaced. I was about 100 feet onto the trail when I realized that I never tied up this loose end. The idea of using all of my waterproof matches to light the stove, start a much wanted campfire and still have some left over seemed like a very sketchy proposition, especially considering that I would need to strike them against some "found" surface. If you've ever tried this, you know that half of them break, fall apart, or just don't light. I like to gamble but not when it comes to warm food and campfires.
So what did I do? I walked the 100 feet back to the car to search for that phantom book of matches from under the car seat or in the glove box, that I knew weren't there. After finally giving up I was reduced to the most humiliating scenario of all...I had to ask someone for help. There was a group of folks getting ready to walk over to one of the very accessible lookout points just off the access road. One of them kindly gave me a lighter and assured me that she didn't need it. Humiliated and relieved at the same time, I sheepishly walked back to my pack, who were faithfully (foolishly!) waiting for me on the trail.
Strike one.
2.) Camera battery
This was not life threatening, but infuriating. I was really looking forward to taking some photos on this trip. Selfish, indulgent photos of all of the different flora blooming and dying at the same time. A multitude of textures:grasses, ferns, azaleas, old flowers, shrubs, trees - orange,red, green, brown, yellow and everything in between. Much wanted pictures of my dog getting to do the things that nature enabled her to do. Documents of our cozy, protected little camp nestled under a canopy of pines a short distance from a quiet, clear stream. The panoramic views, the undecisive weather, the bear scat filled with recently devoured blueberries, the pine trees windswept on one side only...
The problem with digital cameras is the damn battery. If it runs out of charge? No camera. No pictures. No documents. I meant to charge the battery the night before, which we spent in a Days Inn, Elkins W.V. Again, this minor detail slipped my slippery mind. I realized this gaffe when I pulled out the camera to take a picture of my wife (yes we carried the damn useless thing along for nothing)and the camera blandly instructed me to "change the battery". The first thing I thought was "yea, I'll change you alright...along side this here oak tree"...but I didn't. Just calmly put the thing back into (my wifes) pack.
Strike 2.
3.)Watch
Well, at this point I was really beating myself up. I don't usually wear a wristwatch(itchy and pulls my arm hairs), but I do have one that I use for working out/hiking etc...I also have a great fob type watch that attaches to any sort of loop (like a beltloop). Both of these were resting cozily at home on top of my dresser probably thinking what cosmic glitch in the assembly line landed them in the home of such an ignoramus.
I did bring my cell phone. Not because I wanted to chat with friends or check voicemail, but as an emergency backup. Incidentally, this has always been a conflict for me...I feel part of the excitement of staying outdoors is the risk factor. Cell phones sort of undermine that philosophy.
One small problem. No service. No service means no clock, which means a worthless conglomerate of cheap foreign parts that would travel at least 50-75 yards if I really wound up...
Actually, when we were on top of the highest ridge, I did get clear service. I refrained from checking voicemails but did sneak a look at the time. My internal clock was suprising accurate.
Foul ball. Still alive.
Boneheadedness aside, this trip was really great. The weather was drizzly and cold at night and early morning but seemed to always clear up when we were hiking. And none of my sillyness hurt us in any way. In fact, I may start camping without a watch from now on. After all, the only thing that's really important is having a general idea of the time. I don't have appointments to keep and I can always use the sun and my compass...hell, the Indians didn't have watches and they did just fine. And as much as I love taking pictures, sometimes it's a hassle messing around with the damn thing when you're in the midst of taking an ass-kicking from a mountain. Truth be told, with the exception of a few good takes, no picture can ever take the place of a clear memory, complete with sounds, smells and 3-dimensional space.
Then again, this could just be me trying to justify my exquisite failures.
***UPDATE***
I just charged the battery and I see that I did get one picture after all...the camera died promptly after.
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