Ladies and Gentlemen...

So, the Mrs. and I are currently on a little Great Lakes voyage. First a few days in Niagara Falls and then three days in Toronto. Before we got married, we had a little budding tradition of going to Canada for Memorial weekend. Since Canada's big "kick-off" to summer holiday (Victoria Day) is the week before, Memorial Day in Canada is just a not-so-special late spring weekend...i.e. no obnoxious, drunken crowds to piss me off. This is particularly important when camping. There is nothing more assaulting to the senses than some drunken cracker singing Pink Floyd songs at the campfire next to you. Thou shall not committ murder...unless someone sings loudly and ignorantly out-of-key.

Anyway, Niagara Falls has long since been regarded as a thick blanket of tourist cheese, shamelessly covering the falls and upper Niagara river region with casinos, over-priced hotels, theme restaurants, junk shops and of course...wax museums. It certainly has all of these things.

Now I'll admit: I like to gamble a bit. Not much, but just a little. I like to sit at a video poker machine and piss around with $20 or so. I can't really afford to do this but I figure a little won't hurt and the unlikely chance that I could win a few dollars and pay off some bills is just too irresistable. Just for judgement backup, I have never done this without my wife sitting next to me. I just don't trust myself to know when it's time to back away. Cleveland has been talking about legalizing gambling, arguing that the money generated would be a much-needed windfall to the city. It seems to me this is really an issue of short-term vs. long-term. In my experience, the casinos that exist in non-tourist towns(like Cleveland)are mostly full of working-class people gambling with money they don't have. Places like Niagara, Vegas and the like have resources other than gambling to attract people. You'll still see local folks that got the "feva" but you'll also see a lot of recreational players (i.e. people who either choose their destination based on gambling or are just passing through and having a little fun...like me). Let me say this: The last thing that Cleveland (an old, depressed steeltown that's been steadily losing jobs for years) needs, is a bunch of second-rate casinos to suck up money that isn't there.

So, back to the Falls. Chintzyness aside the Falls are truly stunning. I've been up here three times in my life and they seem amazing every time. The energy harnessed from the falls(more than 6 million cubic feet of water falls over the crestline every minute) is used to power much of the area. The diversion of water to hydroelectric plants also serves to slow the erosion of the falls, which up until the modern era was receding 2-10 feet per year. Now, the question certainly needs to be asked if meddling with the geologic process will cause adverse effects on other parts of the local ecosystem...I mean the real reason to slow the rate of erosion is purely economic...who would go to the casinos if the falls weren't there? Either way, the falls will eventually reach Lake Erie and drain it completely-the bottom of Lake Erie is higher than the bottom of the falls.

So in the meantime, go and check it out. The promenade following the gorge along the Canadian side is really nice. The hotel developers have been prevented from building along the edge and blocking the view from everyone except hotel guests(have you been to Clearwater, Florida?)and it's beautifully landscaped and views of the American Falls as well as the Horeshoe Falls are accessible the entire way.

Here's a picture of me at Cave of the Winds on the American side. Basically, you take an elevator down about 175 feet, then walk across some wood decking up to the base of the Bridal Falls(between the Horseshoe and American Falls). This is the smallest of the three falls-about 1% of the water passing over-and it is still so powerful that the park has to rip all the decking out and replace it every year.

(Click for closeup)

















Posing in front of the Horseshoe Falls:
















If you get a chance, pay the $14 and ride The Maid of the Mist, a boat ride that takes you about as close as possible to the falls. Totally amazing! During the ride up river towards the falls, there was a pre-recorded narration with various facts and figures. As soon as we got up to the falls and were absolutely getting blasted with mist, the narrator paused and then with heroic Charlton Heston-like melodrama announced:

Ladies and gentlemen...this......is Niagara Falls!

Ah...the pungent smell of hoke.

Next, Toronto...